Glimpses
by Quickbeam10
Summary: A series of short snapshots in time. UPDATED 12.09.06. Chapter 3 Longing. NEW SUM. A small child's perceived yearnings are soon changed when Little Joe is confronted by the sudden immediacy of how quickly life's events can change what is most importan
1. Chapter 1

**Glimpses- On Patience (Complete vignette) **

_Summary: When faced with yet another trying situation, will the Cartwright family's perseverance endure? (Whole family drama, but focuses mainly on Ben and Joe). _

_Any and all feedback is most appreciated. :) _

"It's okay, son. They'll be along soon." He tried to reassure as another spasm of pain coursed through his youngest child's broken body only to herald a muffled groan of release from the restless youth within his arms.

"It's okay, Joseph, " he repeated again while struggling to keep the desperation he felt from his voice as he watched his son attempt to deal with the acute discomfort he was experiencing.

"Don't worry," he coaxed as he stared down into the pain-filled green eyes now sparkling back up at him with unshed tears. "No one's around to hear you. Shout it out if it helps. Acknowledging pain doesn't make a man any less than he is. It only proves that he's mortal…a human…that he has the capacity to feel…"

A ragged sob caught within the boy's throat as he leaned further into the strength offered by his father's steady embrace before burrowing his face into the wind dried softness of the fabric of his father's cotton shirt.

At hearing his son's stifled cry of anguish, Ben Cartwright's heart felt as if it would shatter into a hundred little pieces, but he did not let up upon his vigilance as he encouraged the boy. "That's it, son. Ride it out. You just need to hold on for a short time longer. Your brothers will be here ….They'll be coming soon."

MWMWMWMWMWMWMW

'Soon…' He mused many hours later while staring into the flickering flames of the roaring fire, laid earlier this day by Hop Sing, as he awaited Paul Martin's prognosis on the state of his youngest son's health. 'It was such a trite word meaning a short while… before too long, but still it required waiting…patience.'

Unnerved, he rose restlessly to his feet and began to pace. 'What was taking Paul so long? A broken leg and collar bone…possibly a few cracked ribs… Did Joe suffer with more injuries than he had at first assessed during their long wait for help to arrive while out in the open?'

It had all had happened so quickly. Actually, his attentions had been elsewhere at the time as were Hoss's and Adam's. Joe's horse had taken a misstep then stumbled. There must have been an unseen divot or soft spot upon the terrain. He didn't know. All that mattered was in the next few seconds his son lay sprawled upon the ground writhing in pain. 'Had the horse's weight borne more heavily upon the boy's vulnerable body than the three of them had at first suspected? If that proved to be the case, then the possibility of unforeseen complications arising in the aftermath could be all the greater,' he fretted.

Increased worry furrowed Ben's tense brow as sickening dread filled the pit of his stomach. 'What was keeping Paul?' He wondered anxiously as he wrung his now sweaty hands in silence.

Hoss, unable to keep afoot within the confines of their living quarters, had begged off and was now out in the barn tending to Little Joe's horse. Adam had tried to hold on, but in the end, he moved out onto the porch with one of his books for company. Ben was sure, however, that his eldest was reading and rereading the same page over and over again without much clarity or comfort. Various aromas, both pungent and tempting, arose from the kitchen area to fill the living space around him, as Hop Sing tried to keep himself occupied as well. Each of the inhabitants, within this home, was attempting to keep up his quiet vigil, but still the waiting was becoming near excruciating.

Then his thoughts returned to Joseph, and he remembered his many ushered words of assurance while out on the trail - _It's okay…They'll be along soon…Don't worry…Ride it out…Hold on for a short time longer_ - and this interminable wait seemed inconsequential in the face of the endurance he had asked from his son earlier this day.

Still this realization did little to quiet the worry and frustration that were now his, and it wouldn't be until some time later, as he heard Paul's footsteps coming down the stairs, that his silent fortitude would at last be rewarded.

Finis

_Patience-the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. _

**A/N - The Glimpses Series are really more scenes in time concerning various topics or qualities than actual developed stories. Once again, inspiration comes from "New Morning". **


	2. Memory and Loss Roses in Winter

**Glimpses- Memory and Loss -** **_( a.k.a Roses in December) - _Complete vignette**

_"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December"- James M. Barrie_

_"Once as my heart remembers, All the stars were falling embers, Once when night seemed forever, I was with you." Enya- "Falling Embers"_

"Even though long years have passed, whenever I come anywhere near this spot, I can't help but think of you. It's as if the two of you belong together, intertwined forever in eternity."

"Forgive me for all those years I needed to keep away, but the hurt was too deep. I thought my heart would break. I was afraid of the memories…of the emotions they might dredge up…that my strength to cope might not hold out."

"But I realize now that staying away actually hurt me more than if I had come. For standing here, in our place, it's as if you are with me…like a piece of you is still here."

"Just over yonder is where we laid our blanket. The sweet smell of new meadow grass is all around me, and I can feel the softness of your hair against my cheek as we stared up into the nighttime sky…the warmth of your body next to mine…the gentle rise and fall of your chest beneath my arm…"

"Look…over there…another star has just shot across the sky… I can hear the awe in your voice …Your voice?"

"I think that is what I miss most of all- the softness of your voice in concert with mine as we laid under the nighttime sky taking in heaven's lights and sharing our whispered dreams for the future-working the land, adding a new room to our home, wondering which one of us the baby would take after."

"You hoped he'd have green eyes like mine and my laugh. I wanted her to have her ma's gentle disposition and smile…that smile…What I wouldn't give to see one of those sweet smiles once more...It'd mean more to me than all the gold and treasures that most people long for..."

"I can hear you now…"

_"Aw, Joe, hush… Stop comparing me to such jewels and frippery…You're embarrassing me…"_

"And your cheeks would get all pink like…'cause you're so humble…"

" But you were…are my jewel… the most precious treasure God was to bestow on me along with the love of my family."

"I can see you calling me silly with that ever practical, no nonsense look of yours."

"Guess I'm just getting sentimental with age… But I miss you, Alice…always have, always will… my love, my hope, my flower in winter."

Finis

**A/N Inspired once more by "New Morning" If you haven't had the chance to listen to Enya's "Falling Embers", it is a truly beautiful song. **


	3. Longing

Longing

The hay felt rough beneath his dampened cheek as yet another of the repeated snuffles coursed through his small frame in the aftermath of his inconsolable tears. In fact, his whole body still quaked as it longed for some news to put an end to this awful feeling of uncertainty that swept throughout his entire being.

'There must be some word by now, God…They must know something…"

He had to find out, but anxiety overwhelmed him. 'What if his worst fear was to become reality? How could he go on living?'

_Still fresh memories resurfaced to the forefront with the front door to his home opening and men helping…no dragging his Pa's unresponsive body through the entry way. _

_Hadn't it only been a few hours earlier that he had heard a grave conversation taking place between these same men and his Pa from the stairwell above? Adam had been there too. He was old enough…ready to join in this serious topic of discussion. Gruff words were being bandied about as the combustibility of the emotion down below him rose. Voices rumbled with barely concealed anger. He couldn't tell what it was they were talking about or what was taking place, but the tension in the room beneath him was escalating. _

_He was about to question what it was that had made these men so angry when suddenly he found Hoss beside him in his night clothes as well. _

_"Hush!" His brother hissed out to silence the younger boy's expected inquiry as if not wanting to be found out by the men congregating below, but Joe's curiosity could not be so easily abated. _

_"What's going on, Hoss? Why are they so riled up?"_

_His fourteen year old brother took a moment as if to consider his words carefully before answering him in a totally unsatisfactory manner. "I don't rightly know, Joe, but it's none of our business."_

_"How can't it be with all the ruckus they're creating? Well, it's enough to wake the dead, Hoss!"_

'DEAD!'

The young boy's thoughts immediately strayed back towards the present. 'No, God! Please don't let such be so! His pa couldn't be dead! But why hadn't anyone been out to find him…unless they were afraid to tell him the truth?…

'TRUTH!'

'Truth be told, he wasn't sure even now what had taken place downstairs before his Pa and Adam left with these people only to be returned many hours later in the predawn hours with these same men carrying his father's blood soaked body back into the house.'

_Just like then, he had been unable to control his patience, rushing down the stair to confront his Pa. _

_"No, Joe..." He could remember Hoss calling out from behind him as he flew down the stairway._

_"Pa, PA! What's going on? Why are all these men here?" _

_At the young boy's sudden appearance, the commotion within the room died down as Ben Cartwright's now startled eyes were diverted towards his youngest child. _

_"Joseph. Boy, what are you doing up? It's long past your bedtime."_

_"Sorry, Pa…" Hoss broke in as Ben Cartwright's eyes moved towards the voice of his now approaching middle son watching him descend the last few steps of the long staircase. "I tried to stop him, but…well you know Joe."_

_A small smile of recognition briefly lit in his father's dark eyes, but it did little to erase the still grim expression upon the older man's countenance as Joe interrupted him to repeat his previous posed inquiry while quickly taking in the emotionally charged faces of townspeople surrounding him._

_"What's going on, Pa?"_

_"Nothing to concern you, young man. Now back to bed both of you." He instructed as his eyes silently met with those of his second son bidding him to follow his directions without any further questions asked. _

_"But, Pa?" Joseph continued. _

_"No buts. Do you hear me, young man? I will explain all to you in the morning, Joseph. It will keep till then."_

'MORNING'

'His pa had said morning, but what if there wasn't to be a morning?' He shuddered at the thought remembering now how Adam had shepherded both him and Hoss back upstairs as if to assist their father as his thoughts turned back towards the men surrounding him.

_"Listen to him, Joe!" Adam had scolded_.

_"Why?" Joe countered, suddenly surly with his eldest brother. "Why do I have to listen and go back to bed while you're able to be down here in the thick of things?"_

_"Your day will come soon enough, brother. Now go!" Adam responded in an attempt to quiet him._

_"It can't come soon enough, Adam. It ain't fair. I want to be there for Pa. I want to help him too, just like you're there to stand beside him now."_

_"You can help Pa, Joe, by following his instructions. He doesn't need any further distractions from you. He needs to keep his mind focused on the matter in front of him."_

'FOCUSED'

'Is that what had happened? Had his disruption caused his pa to lose focus? Is that why these men had returned to the Ponderosa carrying his wounded… perhaps even dead father?'

'DEAD!'

"No, God! Please don't let my pa be dead! It's all my fault! All I wanted to do was help out… to be older like Adam…to be one of the men…to be in the thick of things at last. If I killed my pa…"

He couldn't go on as another shudder of anguish ripped through his very soul.

_He had never seen a man bleed so much as his pa must have by the looks of the blood stained tan shirt still covering his upper body when at last he was carried homeward. _

_Once again, he couldn't keep quiet as he rushed downstairs to meet this chaotic convergence into the living room of his home. He watched frantically as the men supporting his father lowered him hurriedly onto the settee in front of the hearth. _

_'What was happening? Who could have hurt his father this way? He was well liked by all the people in the surrounding area. Who could have done such a terrible thing as this?'_

_With his breath catching in his chest he made to speak up, but all he got out was, "Pa?" before he was pushed roughly aside by one of the larger men surrounding him. _

_"Pa? Adam? What's happening? Who hurt my Pa?" He cried out at last._

_"Not now Joe!" Adam hurriedly responded before turning to accept the pair of kitchen sheers being handed to him by Hop Sing as he began to cut away their father's bloodied shirt. _

_All Joe could see, before the circle of men in front of him moved in closer to block his immediate vision, was a darkened hole upon his father's upper chest continuing to ooze bright red blood._

_"PA!" He had screamed. _

_"Someone, get the kid out of here." He remembered an impatient voice demanding. _

'Could it have been that of his older brother? He didn't know for sure. As these awful, jumbled remembrances played out in his head again and again, all he could recollect was a strong pair of hands upon his back guiding him towards the staircase, but he had broken free from them, escaping to the outside world - far, far away from the terrible happenings within his home.'

'Adam was wrong. He couldn't help. He didn't think he'd ever be ready to help. He was too afraid.'

'Adam had helped. He was pretty sure Hoss had too. His older brother had listened to their father…minded his word…not wanting to distract his attentions…make him lose his sight. But he…he…' Heartbroken, he shook his head in self recrimination.

'If his pa was dead…'

'Oh, God, please! Don't let it be so. Hours earlier, all he had longed for was to be older…to be at one with the men…his brother…his father…now…now…what he wouldn't give just to have his father back with him…to have his father's reassuring arms around him giving him one of those great big bear hugs that from time to time he, himself, had chided that he was getting too old for.'

"Pa…." He called out tentatively, longingly. "Pa, please be alright… I don't know what I'd do without you…"

"Joe?" A voice interrupted to return his plea. "Joe, is that you? Are you out here?" Adam called out at last as he turned the corner of the stall concealing his little brother.

"We've been looking all over for you, Joe…" He started to scold until he took in the pale, tear stained features which marked his brother's grief stricken face

"Adam!" The boy called out before hurling himself into his brother's awaiting embrace, burrowing his damp, dirty face into the collar of his brother's dark shirt. "Pa?" He sobbed.

"He's alright, Joe." Adam answered while gathering the crying child next to him as his own larger body shuddered at the thought of what might have come to be in the hours preceding dawn. "He should…..He'll be alright, Joe." He corrected himself, realizing at once what the child within his arms so desperately needed to hear from him.

Placing the child from him, Adam lifted a hand to softly brush aside the remaining tears and remnants of hay from his little brother's wan face before continuing on. "He's weak, Joe. He's lost a lot of blood, and he's still somewhat groggy, but he'll be fine. He's our pa. Joe. How else could he be?"

"Now dry your eyes, young man." He scolded gently, in a tone much reminiscent of one used by his father many times with the errant child in front of him, as he went on to elaborate. " He's been asking about you, Joe. He's worried. We didn't know what had become of you, little brother, in the aftermath of all the melee. Come on now, Joe. Let's go set his mind to rest."

Taking the small, cold hand within his much larger one, Adam looked down at the child apologetically as he tried to think of the right words to use to begin to explain to the boy about the explosive events which had led up to last night, but Joe cut him off to eagerly exclaim.

" Come on, Adam, let's go! I want to see Pa right now! You know how Pa hates to be kept waiting!"


End file.
